i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
