honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize