My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
