Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
