Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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