Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
