I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize