im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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