she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My breasts were aching with rage.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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