I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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