dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
