Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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