Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Of course I have a pirate flag
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
