Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
