I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
