How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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