i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
