Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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