i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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