So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
