that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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