is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
