mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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