so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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