How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
