I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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