I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
