If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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