I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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