based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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