So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
