i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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