The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
