I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
