just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
