is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
