So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
