9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
