We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
