You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
