He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
