sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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