omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
