I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
