she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
