We won't sleep together?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
