take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
