1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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