She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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