He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
