My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
