We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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