There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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