Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
In America we eat man semen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize