someone get that fucking seahorse.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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