Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
