he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
