just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
