i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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