Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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