singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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