I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
