Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
