We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no you cant smoke seaweed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
