There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
