If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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