I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
