how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
