Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
